ACTIVE INVESTIGATIONS
CASE FILES — CURRENT DOCKET
UO-2025-0041
"This will only take five minutes."
SubjectA homeowner (undisclosed) attempting a minor plumbing repair.
BasisA YouTube video titled "Easy Fix in 5 Minutes."
FindingsThe repair required three trips to the hardware store, a call to a licensed plumber, and resulted in a bathroom being out of service for 11 days. The YouTube video had 2.3 million views. The comments section contained approximately 400 corroborating reports of failure. The subject did not read the comments section.
Notice IssuedYes.
DETERMINATION: UNFOUNDED
UO-2024-0887
"I'm sure they got my email."
SubjectAn individual (undisclosed).
BasisThe email was sent.
FindingsThe email was sent to an address that had not responded to the subject's previous four emails. The subject's email client did not show a read receipt. The subject had not followed up. When asked why they believed the email was received, the subject stated: "It didn't bounce." The Office notes that the absence of a bounce is not the presence of a read.
Notice IssuedYes.
DETERMINATION: UNFOUNDED
UO-2025-0199
"We're on track for Q3 targets."
SubjectA Series B SaaS company (undisclosed).
BasisAn internal slide deck showing a hockey stick growth curve and the phrase "conservative estimate."
FindingsThe curve was based on a single month of above-trend performance extrapolated across six months. The word "conservative" appeared 14 times in the deck. The company's definition of "conservative" was not consistent with any recognized definition of the word. Pipeline coverage was 1.2x against a 3x industry standard.
NoteCFO was not receptive. CFO's receptiveness is not a factor in our determination.
Notice IssuedYes. Elevated to Watch List.
DETERMINATION: UNFOUNDED
UO-2025-0444
"The kids will love it."
SubjectA parent (undisclosed) planning a family vacation to an educational historical site.
BasisThe parent's own interest in the subject matter, projected onto children aged 8 and 11.
FindingsThe children expressed no prior interest in colonial-era agriculture. When surveyed, both children indicated a preference for "the beach" and "anywhere with WiFi." The parent's projection of enthusiasm is a recurring pattern documented in our files under the subheading "Educational Vacations: Parental Optimism vs. Pediatric Reality."
Notice IssuedYes.
DETERMINATION: UNFOUNDED
The Office extends sympathy but not endorsement.
UO-2025-0901
"This time will be different."
Subject[CLASSIFIED]
Basis[CLASSIFIED]
FindingsIt was not different.
Notice Issued[CLASSIFIED]
NoteThis is our most frequently filed investigation category. We no longer investigate individual instances. We have issued a standing determination.
DETERMINATION: UNFOUNDED